“You just don’t understand! I can’t quit any of these things!!” The frazzled staff pastor almost shrieked at me. “So many people, and my team, and the kids- are all counting on me. Why doesn’t anyone want to help? Why is it all on me?” I tried my best to encourage, “Hey, you are working so hard. Maybe you could try…” “It won’t work. I have already tried everything. I can’t keep going like this, but I have to.” This was the sixth conversation like this that I had with this staff member. I encouraged her to take a break, go on vacation, reach out for help again. As I feared, she had a major health crisis a few months later (I honestly don’t know how she made it that long), and was in the hospital for awhile. After she finally came home, she was never able to go back to the position she was once in.
Over my years in ministry, I have learned to spot a few warning signs-in myself and others- that someone is suffering from major burnout, and that a break of some sort is guaranteed to happen- either willingly or unwillingly. Untenable schedules, out of control stress WILL take their toll and eventually something has to give. Here are the warning signs I look for that a minister is closing in on burnout/shutdown:
- They just don’t care-whether a service went fantastic or no one really showed up, they just don’t care anymore. They through it. The apathy is leaking into everything they do.
- Feeling of irreality- They sometimes get the feeling that none of this is really happening-a numb feeling. This can also feel like, “My life has really jumped the tracks here. How did I end up here?” This can be a warning sign from their brain that they under too much stress.
- Survival Mode- Everything they do now is just surviving. Survive this Sunday. Get through this meeting. Phone in a Midweek service. They begin to cancel whatever they can, just getting through the rest. They really have no plan beyond the immediate future. If someone asks for their sermon plan for the next 3 years, they will really really struggle.
- Sick a lot- They are almost always sick-flu, colds, pneumonia. And viruses that other people recover from quickly, take them a lot longer to get over. They are more prone to infections that linger. They may even start having random symptoms like stomach pain, chest tightness, seeing black floaters in their vision, pain in their joints, recurring headaches and more. These and other symptoms do need to be checked out by the doctor every time. This can be a warning sign if co workers start saying, “Huh. She’s sick again? She’s so young.”
- Dreading going in- They aren’t excited about going into work. Instead they dread it. They start dreading coming back in the moment they leave. Their days off are not enough to “recover.” When they are at church, they do not want to be there.
The consequences of ignoring burnout symptoms can be devastating:
- Total physical breakdown- We can say whatever we want, but sometimes our bodies have the final say. Did you know that ministers are much more likely than the average population to suffer from diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure? Our bodies will go and go and go and go for us- until they can’t. How many ministers are taken out of ministry too early because their body just gives out from the unrelenting stress, lack of time off and missed doctor’s appointments? My life had to change forever after I nearly lost my life to a ruptured ulcer. I do not think I could make that decision to let go or step back- so my body had to make that decision for me. Those 80+ hour work weeks were no one’s fault but my own. I ignored the signs- the constant illnesses, lack of sleep, stomach pain etc. etc. So I ended up with something I couldn’t ignore. And I am actually pretty grateful.
- A mental breakdown- We must get over the myth that Christians cannot have mental breakdowns, or that those who do have a mental illness, break, are weak or are lesser Christians. I am aware that the term “Mental Breakdown” is not a clinical term, but instead refers to a cluster of mental health symptoms usually revolving around unbearable stress. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to stress, grief and loss. And we all encounter stress grief and loss in our lives. And everyone has their limits. And not everyone KNOWS their limits. I have personally seen amazing, committed Christians take on too much in their ministry life and end up having their mental health suffer greatly. I wish I could tell you that all of these people were able to go right back to being in the same level of ministry as before, but most of these ministers were not able to go back into ministry in the same area or with the same amount of hours/stress as before. My counselor told me, “Why would you want to go do the exact same things that got you into this situation?” Good point. But suffering any kind of breakdown, physical, mental, spiritual or family, can result in lifelong consequences. I so often hear, “But I cannot cut back. I can’t change anything. It’s just all happening to me and I have no control. I just have to endure it.” Remember that if you cannot decide WHAT things to cut back, you may lose the ability (for awhile) to do any of it at all.
- An addiction to a negative coping mechanism for unbearable stress. Christians and even pastors are not immune to developing an addiction to something that they lean on to deal with stress- a person, work hours, porn, an affair, a substance, etc. etc. The enemy will take any opening he can get. We must be on our guard to cope with stress in healthier ways- talking to safe people, taking vacations and days off, exercise, hobbies, prayer, and above all time alone with the Lord.
- Financial costs of medical and mental breakdowns lack of work- Most people would argue, “I can’t cut back from anything I am doing because I need the money.” This is not a great reason to stay in a ministry position and this reason is seldom true of EVERYTHING we are doing. And few people stop to think about how much it costs you financially if your body, mind, family etc. gives out. It is a lot more expensive to stay in a position of constant burnout.
- Family breakdown- Christians, including ministers are not immune to family breakdowns either. Marriages can be very strained and tragically fall apart. Pastors kids have a reputation for falling away from God, rebelling etc (which isn’t always true. I’m a PK, and so are my siblings and we are all serving Jesus). Usually, if the family falls apart, the pastor’s ministry is over too. Your family’s health must come before any ministry position. Do what you have to to keep your family relationships strong.
- Spiritual breakdown-Possibly the saddest breakdown of all, pastors and Christian leaders that continue living in burnout may experience a spiritual breakdown. The pastor is questioning, “How could God let all of this happen to me?” “Why are Christians in my church not helping me?” This can lead to anger and resentment toward your church, toward THE Church as a whole and even anger towards God. It breaks my heart to see people that I went to Bible college with, completely rejecting Jesus and the church over what they went through. But the truth is that Jesus Himself promised that we would experience hardship and pain in this life. And if we are being totally honest, how much of our workload has been put on us by God? Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And if we are REALLY being honest, how much is even being laid on us by the church? How much work are we heaping on OURSELVES trying to meet what we THINK are God’s expectations, the church’s expectations and our own expectations. I have always said, “We have a LOT more power over our schedules than we think we do.”
Let me end with saying, “For those facing burnout-There is hope!” Make cut backs BEFORE the break down. Ask God for wisdom to discern what you really do need to be doing and what you need help letting go of. If you have already been experiencing mental and physical breakdown or family breakdown, get help now. I believe all ministers benefit from talking to a therapist. It would greatly benefit you as well to take your days off (all of them), maybe even take a break from all ministry stuff (gasp), go on vacation (a real one) or perhaps even consider a different ministry situation. Above all, remember that you are loved, you matter and you are more than what you DO for God. You are loved just because you exist. Lots of love and prayers- Trisha
The Kidmin Ninja 