Huge Warning Signs of Burnout in Your Position-And Why You Can’t Ignore Them Forever

“You just don’t understand! I can’t quit any of these things!!” The frazzled staff pastor almost shrieked at me. “So many people, and my team, and the kids- are all counting on me. Why doesn’t anyone want to help? Why is it all on me?” I tried my best to encourage, “Hey, you are working so hard. Maybe you could try…” “It won’t work. I have already tried everything. I can’t keep going like this, but I have to.” This was the sixth conversation like this that I had with this staff member. I encouraged her to take a break, go on vacation, reach out for help again. As I feared, she had a major health crisis a few months later (I honestly don’t know how she made it that long), and was in the hospital for awhile. After she finally came home, she was never able to go back to the position she was once in.

Over my years in ministry, I have learned to spot a few warning signs-in myself and others- that someone is suffering from major burnout, and that a break of some sort is guaranteed to happen- either willingly or unwillingly. Untenable schedules, out of control stress WILL take their toll and eventually something has to give. Here are the warning signs I look for that a minister is closing in on burnout/shutdown:

1. They just don’t care-whether a service went fantastic or no one really showed up, they just don’t care anymore. They through it. The apathy is leaking into everything they do.
2. Feeling of irreality- They sometimes get the feeling that none of this is really happening-a numb feeling. This can also feel like, “My life has really jumped the tracks here. How did I end up here?” This can be a warning sign from their brain that they under too much stress.
3. Survival Mode- Everything they do now is just surviving. Survive this Sunday. Get through this meeting. Phone in a Midweek service. They begin to cancel whatever they can, just getting through the rest. They really have no plan beyond the immediate future. If someone asks for their sermon plan for the next 3 years, they will really really struggle.
4. Sick a lot- They are almost always sick-flu, colds, pneumonia. And viruses that other people recover from quickly, take them a lot longer to get over. They are more prone to infections that linger. They may even start having random symptoms like stomach pain, chest tightness, seeing black floaters in their vision, pain in their joints, recurring headaches and more. These and other symptoms do need to be checked out by the doctor every time. This can be a warning sign if co workers start saying, “Huh. She’s sick again? She’s so young.”
5. Dreading going in- They aren’t excited about going into work. Instead they dread it. They start dreading coming back in the moment they leave. Their days off are not enough to “recover.” When they are at church, they do not want to be there.

The consequences of ignoring burnout symptoms can be devastating:

1. Total physical breakdown- We can say whatever we want, but sometimes our bodies have the final say. Did you know that ministers are much more likely than the average population to suffer from diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure? Our bodies will go and go and go and go for us- until they can’t. How many ministers are taken out of ministry too early because their body just gives out from the unrelenting stress, lack of time off and missed doctor’s appointments? My life had to change forever after I nearly lost my life to a ruptured ulcer. I do not think I could make that decision to let go or step back- so my body had to make that decision for me. Those 80+ hour work weeks were no one’s fault but my own. I ignored the signs- the constant illnesses, lack of sleep, stomach pain etc. etc. So I ended up with something I couldn’t ignore. And I am actually pretty grateful.
2. A mental breakdown- We must get over the myth that Christians cannot have mental breakdowns, or that those who do have a mental illness, break, are weak or are lesser Christians. I am aware that the term “Mental Breakdown” is not a clinical term, but instead refers to a cluster of mental health symptoms usually revolving around unbearable stress. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to stress, grief and loss. And we all encounter stress grief and loss in our lives. And everyone has their limits. And not everyone KNOWS their limits. I have personally seen amazing, committed Christians take on too much in their ministry life and end up having their mental health suffer greatly. I wish I could tell you that all of these people were able to go right back to being in the same level of ministry as before, but most of these ministers were not able to go back into ministry in the same area or with the same amount of hours/stress as before. My counselor told me, “Why would you want to go do the exact same things that got you into this situation?” Good point. But suffering any kind of breakdown, physical, mental, spiritual or family, can result in lifelong consequences. I so often hear, “But I cannot cut back. I can’t change anything. It’s just all happening to me and I have no control. I just have to endure it.” Remember that if you cannot decide WHAT things to cut back, you may lose the ability (for awhile) to do any of it at all.
3. An addiction to a negative coping mechanism for unbearable stress. Christians and even pastors are not immune to developing an addiction to something that they lean on to deal with stress- a person, work hours, porn, an affair, a substance, etc. etc. The enemy will take any opening he can get. We must be on our guard to cope with stress in healthier ways- talking to safe people, taking vacations and days off, exercise, hobbies, prayer, and above all time alone with the Lord.
4. Financial costs of medical and mental breakdowns lack of work- Most people would argue, “I can’t cut back from anything I am doing because I need the money.” This is not a great reason to stay in a ministry position and this reason is seldom true of EVERYTHING we are doing. And few people stop to think about how much it costs you financially if your body, mind, family etc. gives out. It is a lot more expensive to stay in a position of constant burnout.
5. Family breakdown- Christians, including ministers are not immune to family breakdowns either. Marriages can be very strained and tragically fall apart. Pastors kids have a reputation for falling away from God, rebelling etc (which isn’t always true. I’m a PK, and so are my siblings and we are all serving Jesus). Usually, if the family falls apart, the pastor’s ministry is over too. Your family’s health must come before any ministry position. Do what you have to to keep your family relationships strong.
6. Spiritual breakdown-Possibly the saddest breakdown of all, pastors and Christian leaders that continue living in burnout may experience a spiritual breakdown. The pastor is questioning, “How could God let all of this happen to me?” “Why are Christians in my church not helping me?” This can lead to anger and resentment toward your church, toward THE Church as a whole and even anger towards God. It breaks my heart to see people that I went to Bible college with, completely rejecting Jesus and the church over what they went through. But the truth is that Jesus Himself promised that we would experience hardship and pain in this life. And if we are being totally honest, how much of our workload has been put on us by God? Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And if we are REALLY being honest, how much is even being laid on us by the church? How much work are we heaping on OURSELVES trying to meet what we THINK are God’s expectations, the church’s expectations and our own expectations. I have always said, “We have a LOT more power over our schedules than we think we do.”

Let me end with saying, “For those facing burnout-There is hope!” Make cut backs BEFORE the break down. Ask God for wisdom to discern what you really do need to be doing and what you need help letting go of. If you have already been experiencing mental and physical breakdown or family breakdown, get help now. I believe all ministers benefit from talking to a therapist. It would greatly benefit you as well to take your days off (all of them), maybe even take a break from all ministry stuff (gasp), go on vacation (a real one) or perhaps even consider a different ministry situation. Above all, remember that you are loved, you matter and you are more than what you DO for God. You are loved just because you exist. Lots of love and prayers- Trisha

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Is It Time To Leave? Should I Leave My Ministry Position?

How do I know if it’s MY time to make a transition (leave my current position)? Much has been written on this topic; and I have LOVED some blogs I have read on the subject. Of course, the chief concern here is the terrible lack of longevity we see in our churches today-  some churches seem to go through staff like water, and many staff are far too quick to leave.  We should never leave a ministry God has called us to on a whim. Ministry is HARD- no doubt about it.  And if you leave every time ministry breaks your heart or gets difficult, you won’t stay anywhere long. I have heard it said that you cannot effect any REAL change in a ministry until you have been there at least 3 years.

But if you have honestly tried EVERYTHING you can think of to improve things at your current ministry, and you have tried to stick things out for this long haul, is it ever right to leave a ministry position? Actually, yes, sometimes God is telling you to move on.  And if you overstay in the wrong position, you can do damage to the ministry you are supposed to be serving. AND there can be frustration and harm for you, your health and your family.  So how can you know? How can you know if it may be time to find a new ministry position? Well, I talked with a few of my friends in ministry, and here are some of the TOP ways I and others have known it was possibly time to move on:

1. You just don’t care anymore. You cannot shake apathy. Something doesn’t go well, or you exceed goals- and it doesn’t faze you either way. Something inside you has died for this ministry. I encourage you to talk about those feelings with your senior leader and other ministry leaders you trust outside your ministry.  It could be you just need a break, or a refreshing etc. But you cannot ignore that apathy for long- it is SAYING something.
2. You are almost ALWAYS frustrated, irritated and resentful.  It’s perfectly normal to be frustrated at times (especially Mondays!). But if these feelings of anger and hurt and resentment have gone on and on and nothing you are doing is helping; it may be time for you to leave before that attitude gets worse and/or poisons those around you. Another side to this may be emotions “leaking out” when they don’t fit the situation or seem inappropriate. For example, you find a candy wrapper on your floor and are suddenly enraged and don’t know why. Or someone thanks you for a card you sent and you burst into tears. Your emotions are trying to tell you something is very wrong. And though it’s hard, you gotta listen.
3. Vision is gone. You are no longer hoping or planning for great things a long way off for the ministry there. You can barely focus on planning for this coming Sunday. Planning for a year from now is nearly impossible. Because you can no longer see the future for this ministry. Writing messages further out is becoming more difficult. You are in “survival mode” all the time- “get through” this Sunday, “make it” to the day off, “coast” for a bit. Many ministers have told me that when it was time to leave, they “felt it lift”- their vision and desire for that place was gone….so much so that the building itself began to look different to them; nothing seemed the same.
4. You find yourself often day dreaming about a different ministry/church. A lot of leaders have that awesome daydream of filling in for Francis Chan for a Sunday and 2000 people get saved… But if ALL you do is hope and dream about another ministry, then your heart may have died for this one.  And that’s not fair for the people at your current church. You should still be able to dream for the church you are at.
5. You are now there for the wrong reasons- ie. money, habit, fear. You should be worried that your time at that church/ministry is up when you dread going back in even while leaving the parking lot. It’s a warning when your day off isn’t even a drop in the bucket to refuel you. You do not want to be there at all, but you just don’t know how to do anything else. Or you are afraid or going somewhere new. Which leads to a great question: Why are you staying?
6. Your ministry there does not “fit” with the church’s new vision/direction. Your giftings and talents are not being used; you’re just not challenged anymore. It could be that God has grown you so much in that ministry, that He now has plans for you elsewhere. And it could just be that – and please please hear my heart when I say this- you may not be what that church is looking for in a new season.  Everything changes, always. And your giftings and leadership could just be an answer to prayer and a perfect fit somewhere new. I remember, many years back, sitting around the table at our weekly staff meeting at my church.  I had been on staff there for several years, with a lot of growth and success.  But increasingly, I was finding myself frustrated at these meetings. With the new leadership, new vision and direction, I had been so excited, but week by week I felt like a fifth wheel.  I prayed about it, sought wise counsel, talked to the new lead pastor, and worked harder to make it work. But one morning, sitting in that meeting, reigning in a volcano of frustration, I took a good look around and realized….I was what didn’t fit in this picture. It wasn’t the 6 other staff who needed a change- I wasn’t right for this newly redefined position.  And I knew it wasn’t going back to what it was. In that moment the whole picture changed. I felt a relief wash over me, as well as sadness, grief….but when we got up to leave the room and go into the hallways, nothing was the same. I knew it was over. I did keep praying, thinking, grieving, but God confirmed through several other people that it was time to go.  I listened and moved on to an amazing new staff position that has been one of the greatest experiences-and most challenging!-of my life. And I got to see the next kid’s ministry grow exponentially, and I grew in team building by matching myself and others in their skill sets. I know that if I had been stubborn and stayed without God’s blessing, my ministry there would NOT have kept growing, and I would have continued feeling stymied and frustrated. And furthermore, things like my Africa trip, traveling/speaking, and my book may never have happened.

Ministry takes a lot of wisdom and prayer.  And remember that God is still guiding, still writing your story and the stories of the ministries where you work. “He Who has begun a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it.” Believe that in time, He will make His will clear to you.  Just be willing to jump in and follow it.  And be patient, prayerful and act with integrity in that “waiting time”. God bless your ministry now and in the new year! Trisha

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The Nine Most Important Traits for Pastors/Church Leaders- Part ONE

There are so many things you need to know as a minister!! The onslaught of information is overwhelming! And what is the most important for me to know? Church growth dynamics? Emerging technology? Reaching Gen Z? Hiring best practices? Fundraising basics? There are so many things that pastors feel they need to know to be effective. Most of you know that I did my doctoral research on the real reasons why pastors leave ministry and don’t come back. If you would like to see my research you can get the book here- https://a.co/d/67oqi9P. But what are the key traits that may help a minister stay in ministry over the long term? What should a new ministry leader be focusing on in their new position? Here are the nine traits that, in my personal opinion, are absolutely CRUCIAL for anyone hoping to stay in ministry for more than 5 minutes:

1. Devotion to Jesus-You have probably heard “Serving in the church is not the same thing as spending quiet time with Jesus.” But most of us need the reminder. Serving long hours in the church office will lead to total burnout if you are not daily being filled up in your relationship with Jesus. In my own experience, I have seen too many ministers walk away from Jesus completely after their ministry falls apart. Their faith was far too enmeshed with what they were doing FOR God instead of WHO they are IN Christ. Our ministry to others should flow out of our own spiritual journey. A love relationship with Jesus should be for life, even when ministry seasons come and go.
2. Devotion to family- In like manner, our family relationships are supposed to be for life. Our ministry to our family should come before our ministry at the church. Time spent serving together is not a substitute for quality time with your spouse or your children. How many ministers only learn this the hard way, losing their family and then losing their ministry? Jesus first, then your family, and then the rest.
3. Perseverance- To me, this seems to be a trait that is lacking in our modern, western culture. And staying in ministry for the long term requires a lot of perseverance. Ministers must be able to endure disappointment, heartache, verbal and written insults (sadly), resistance to any change, power grabs, manipulation, church politics and more. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit to get up and try one more time, again and again. Scripture warns us plainly that serving Jesus is hard in this world, but also in the church. Paul encourages us to, “Endure hardship as a soldier of Jesus Christ.” Ministry can be much tougher than what we imagined or were prepared for. Sometimes it is only the grace of God that keeps us going-in hope!
4. Forgiveness- You will not be in ministry long if you do not learn to forgive. In fact, you will also lose your relationship with Jesus if you will not forgive. My father has always said, “All people are sinners. It’s just that some of those sinners believe in Jesus and are going to heaven.” His point was that we expect terrible behavior from non-Christians, but are often shocked when we see horrible things being done by “church” people. I have often seen kindness, compassion and understanding from non-Christian friends and gossip, back-biting, manipulations, and power grabs happening in the the church. But without forgiveness, it becomes impossible to continue in ministry. And forgiveness is necessary to continue on LIVING, being free and having joy. If we ask God for help, He can help us forgive and be free, when we cannot forgive in our human strength alone.
5. Flexibility- Being too rigid in devotion to our plans and our way of doing things will only get you broken. I learned this lesson early on as a special education teacher in a public school. One of the other teachers told me this: “Trish, I hold my plans loosely. I prepare as best I can, but I have to flex with what the day and the kids bring to the classroom.” As a minister, I plan and prepare as well as I can. But I hold my plans loosely. Because I have to be able to flex according to what the day and the families I serve bring in. I have always told our kid’s church leaders, “I don’t care if you get to the end of the lesson or do all of the activities. People over programs. If a child is in need of prayer because their parents are getting a divorce, then we stop everything and pray. Be prepared to pivot as God is leading you.”

Stay tuned for PART 2 next week! How about YOU? What do you think are the absolutely essential traits for ministry leaders who are hoping to go the distance? Thank you for all you do for Jesus and His kids! See you next week, Trisha

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Appealing for Volunteers From the Pulpit??

“Please make sure to ask for VBS volunteer sign ups this Sunday, Kristen. Oh, and make sure you have the sign up sheet ready on the table in the foyer.”

Most kidmin leaders have been asked to make an appeal for volunteers up front on a Sunday morning. Some kidmin leaders have asked their senior leader to make the appeal. But why are more and more churches are moving away from pulpit appeals for volunteers? Here’s why some churches won’t do pulpit recruitment anymore-and why I still advocate for the pulpit appeal anyway:

What can go wrong with pulpit recruiting in the main service for kid’s ministry?

1. Attracting the wrong people. The major drawback to the pulpit appeal is that you typically get a lot of sign-ups from people who should not work with children. Also, most high-quality leaders will not respond to an open “cattle call.” That is not universally true; I have picked up some amazing leaders from pulpit appeals. But I have also had sign-ups from people who were legally restricted from having anything to do with children, people who had been asked to leave the children’s ministry years ago, people with anger management issues, people who hated children, or people who just signed up for everything. And I think you know what I mean when I say some people are just not a fit for children’s ministry. This problem is made much worse if the pulpit appeal was done incorrectly. If someone pleaded and begged from the stage saying, “We are desperate. We just need anyone. It’s so easy anyone can do it. Just sign up and we’ll get you in there,” now you really have a problem. You may have to tell someone who signed up, “We are desperate, for anyone at all, anyone can do this job—but we do not want you.” That gets personal and hurtful. And it typically makes the church look heartless and hypocritical. Do not fall into this trap. You can avoid it by not doing pulpit appeals. But let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water. You can avoid some of this embarrassment by doing the appeal correctly. Be honest with people! The ministry is for children, and you cannot take everyone. Everyone in the church can and should find a place to serve, but not everyone can serve in children’s ministry. You are going to find people who are a right fit for children’s ministry. Do your background checks; some will be weeded out right away. Some churches require references from the last place the volunteer served, which can help weed out a few more. Ask other staff and key volunteers about the history of a person at that church. Above all, trust your gut. If you just don’t “feel a peace” about putting someone in a children’s class, please listen to that warning. It has served me well. You do not have to be insulting, but that person can probably find another place of ministry in the church. Your priority here is the safety and well-being of the kids.
2. Dropping the ball on follow-up. One pitfall of the pulpit appeal happens when your team fails at follow-up. The pulpit appeal is a great way to get a lot of names of people wanting to learn more about serving. But each and every one of those names must be contacted, sometimes more than once (or four times). It is a mistake to simply expect that all of those people are now “committed,” then to celebrate, thinking they are all showing up to help on Sunday. The sad fact is that when it is all said and done, only about one-quarter of the people who sign up for a pulpit appeal will actually work out as viable children’s ministry volunteers. Some will never call you back. Some went home and changed their mind. Some sign up for everything and are too embarrassed to tell you they are overcommitted. Some will be disqualified due to something in their past (child-abuse conviction) or in their present (alcohol addiction). Some will come the first day and then not show the next. So why do this recruiting thing at all? (Insert yell of frustration and throwing hands up in the air in despair here.) We recruit because that 25 percent of people who sign up and do become great leaders are worth the work involved to bring them onboard. Keep going after these people; they are like gold when you do find them. No matter what the reason, if people are signing up and they are not getting a call back, it looks bad. It looks bad for you, for the church and for the kids’ area. You look disorganized, ungrateful, and unprofessional. It discredits you and hinders any future recruitment. I spoke with an amazing volunteer a few weeks ago, a pediatric nurse with years of experience in children’s ministry. Out of curiosity I asked her, “Mary, why didn’t I get you back here helping me sooner? You are amazing!” She answered, “Because five years ago under a different pastor I signed up to help in kids’ ministry after a pulpit appeal and no one ever called me. I even called to ask about it, and no one called me back. I was so hurt that I did not ever sign up to volunteer again. I felt like they lied from the stage by saying, ‘We are badly in need of help.’ And I did not want to be a part of anything so disorganized anyway. If they cared so little for people that they can’t make a phone call, how are they treating their volunteers?” Ouch
3. But what about all the other departments? What about equal time? Usually when a church is moving away from pulpit appeals, this excuse (con) is raised. It typically goes like this: “If we let you make an appeal for leaders in kids’ ministry, to be fair we have to let every area of our church—all 347 of them—make an appeal, and we will never have another church service again! It will just be nonstop begging for helpers!” My response has always been to quote Andy Stanley, “Who says we have to be fair?” No, you do not have to let every single area have equal time from the pulpit. Why does the kids’ ministry sometimes need that extra bump? Well, for starters, the kids’ ministry needs more volunteers than just about any other area in the entire church. Everywhere I have been, the kids’ area has held more than half of the church’s volunteer base. The ratios of adults to children that need to be maintained mean that more leaders are required. Since these are our kids we are talking about, not just anyone will be able to serve there. We need the best, highest-caliber leaders with our kids (parents should all agree here too). A good rule of thumb is that a healthy kids’ ministry of any church should make up about 25 percent of the church as a whole, plus parents, and volunteers, which means anything you say from the pulpit about the kids’ ministry already affects about 60 percent of your church. Kids’ ministry is an all-church endeavor. It has to be. Kids’ ministry has never been nor can it ever be self-sustaining. Yet it is one of the only ministries in the church that meets during the main service, off in its own area, where many have no idea what is going on in there. Shouldn’t the right hand know what the left is doing? Asking the kids’ ministry leaders to recruit that many quality leaders with no representation in the main church body is like telling them to double their brick quota with no straw. Studies show that the majority of families are choosing their churches based predominately by what is offered for their kids. The recruiting of these leaders is absolutely mission critical for the church as a whole. Lead pastors of fast growing churches know this and make sure to give that kids’ ministry a visible, credible shot in the arm every chance they get.
4. All by itself, a pulpit appeal will not reach the whole congregation: The average “committed Christian family” in the United States attends their church 1-2 Sundays a month. That means that if you rely one five minute announcement, made on one Sunday morning, you are not going to come anywhere near getting your message to the whole congregation. Fifty to sixty percent of the congregation is not there because they are on vacation, sports, sick etc. And of the people who ARE at your church on any given Sunday, you probably won’t reach everyone. Some are serving elsewhere (greeters, parking lot.) Some are in the bathroom or badly distracted. A pulpit appeal cannot be counted on to reach the entire congregation if used alone as the only means of recruiting.

BUT- Here’s Why I Still Believe in Pulpit Appeals (in addition to, not replacing, other methods)

The main win from a pulpit appeal, if done well and especially if your senior leader does it, is that it shouts to the entire body like a bull horn: “OUR CHURCH VALUES CHILDREN AND FAMILIES. WE VALUE THIS MINISTRY. IT IS PART OF OUR VISION AND MISSION. IT IS IMPORTANT AND YOU SHOULD BE A PART OF IT.” Every children’s pastor needs this kind of backing to see some mountains move. In a day and age when some churches are making the decision to not do any pulpit pushes anymore, I still can see the value in showing your whole church that the kids’ ministry is there and growing. You have to remember, most people sitting in the adult service have no idea what is going on in that other room. Out of sight, out of mind. If, as the kids’ leader, you have any opportunity at all to speak to the congregation as a whole about the kids’ ministry, take it. Go speak for those kids, those volunteers, and for the parents. Speak well and gain church-wide credibility for a ministry that is a part of your church. Let them know the kids’ ministry is not just child care in a far-off room. Be clear about the successes. Share some testimonies!

How about YOU? Does your church do recruitment from the main stage? Why or why not? Do you still believe it is a good idea? Thank you for what you do for Jesus and His kids- love and prayers, Trisha

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Lowered Expectations and Teeny Tiny Asks-The Truth About Under-Asking

Why do we “under-ask” in recruiting and why does it matter??

Oh, I know, you are thinking, “But I’m constantly asking!” I’m not referring to how often you ask; I’m referring to how big you ask. Most children’s leaders under ask. It comes from that age-old survival mentality we discussed. This starts with an appeal fraught with loads of apologizing. The thinking usually goes something like this: “Wow, we are so desperate, and maybe we would get a lot more help if we ask as little from people as possible! Let’s make the work seem so easy, with no prep, as if anyone can do it. We just need a warm body in there, or we gotta close the class. It’s so simple that it’s trivial. Just take your turn and get through it!”

Besides reeking of babysitting and desperation, the mistake of under asking chases off great leaders for this reason: time. Have you ever noticed that despite our many modern conveniences, faster modes of communication and transportation, thousands of labor- and time-saving devices, we are busier and more stressed than ever? Studies show that people today actually have more leisure time now than they did 40 years ago. So why are people busier and more stressed than ever before? They are driving their kids to soccer, ballet, and speech meets, working a lot more hours to make ends meet, and then volunteering at their kids’ schools. These people are tired. 

So why is it a mistake to downplay what you are asking them to do? To make it sound as small and easy as possible? Because people are constantly bombarded with opportunities and demands to work or serve, but most of them are a blur of things that nearly anyone could do. People get really tired of being guilted into all of those areas too. Trust me, people! I’ve done the 1:00 a.m. baking of three dozen cupcakes that my child told me about that evening so that I am not the “bad parent” who wouldn’t help with the fourth-grade bake sale. But in this world where people have limited time to give, we still have a longing to be part of something meaningful that will live on when we are gone. We want to use the gifts with which God uniquely created us. We want to be a part of something amazing. We want the sacrifice of the time we gave to matter. 

Even with being so busy, volunteerism in the United States has never been higher. But people are not going to give a moment of that precious time to something that anyone could do by just showing up. We want to be where we are needed and can make a difference, where our skills and gifts play an integral part on a winning team. No one is going to deliberately sign up for the team that just announced it is losing. That investment of time must go where it will bring the greatest return. The surprise for me in my many ministries has been that I find more gifted invested leaders when I ask big. I ask and expect a lot, and that attracts people who want their gift of time to matter. For example, we once asked for people to help in a classroom once a month for a two-month commitment with no set-up or extra work required. We had almost no takers. Then that same month, I made a push for fine arts team leaders. I made it clear they would have to be there almost every Saturday for two hours rehearsing, live up to a strict code of conduct, come prepared to lead devotions and pray together, and learn to lead the younger leaders. I had so many responses that I had to rotate teams and make a waiting list. I am not promising you that same result. What I am saying is this: When the need is big, you may need to ask bigger. How important is kids’ ministry to you and the future of your church? How about to God? So much is riding on the next generation and their relationship with Jesus Christ. Don’t the kids deserve a bigger ask? Think of the United States Marine Corps’ new slogan, “We except commitments, not applications.” 

Need proof? How about the most amazing ministry recruiter of all time—Jesus. How did he go about recruiting a team to launch His brand spankin’ new church?

First He prayed. A lot. Sometimes He spent all night praying. Before you say that sounds cliché, have you really spent quality time in prayer asking God to give you the right people in the right positions?

Second, Jesus asked big. He said, “Leave everything—your job, your family, your house, your money, and come follow me right now.” And they did. They must have sensed His authority and His vision, and they felt called to Him and His ministry. Later He kept saying things like, “I am going to die for this new church, and most of you are going to die for this cause too.” WHOA! Not the pep talk we are used to getting!

Third, Jesus never apologized or begged anyone to come on board. Show me the verse where He guilted someone into “just filling that spot for a couple weeks till we can figure things out.” Didn’t happen! How can you come closer to Jesus’ way of recruiting? Pray, ask, and leave behind all apologizing, begging, and guilting.

Here are a few more tips for asking bigger and better.

1. Don’t say “anyone can do it.” No one is going to sign on as a “warm body” for a position that even a monkey or a warm mannequin can do. People are looking for something that will challenge them, use their skills, and make a difference for eternity.

2. Don’t minimize the importance of what you are asking them to do. No job serving Jesus and His kids is unimportant. One wise children’s pastor decided to change the way that volunteers looked at serving in the nursery. He said, “We will no longer advertise for ‘just caring people to hold babies’.” He instituted a simple curriculum for the nursery, the first of its kind. Then he announced that every baby would be introduced to worship songs, every baby would begin to learn a Bible verse, and most importantly, every baby would be held and prayed for each and every Sunday service because he wanted every child in his ministry to feel the love and presence of God, to know the joy of singing praise, to start early loving God’s Word. WOW!

This of course, added a lot of new duties and much more commitment to the nursery leaders. As you probably guessed, his leaders loved it. They finally felt that the ministry they had been doing was valued and meant something. All of the sudden he had people signing up left and right. Not because it was the easiest or had the “least prep.” They signed up because they wanted each of those precious babies to know the love of God from day one. Every area of children’s ministry matters. We should never undersell the work involved.

3. Don’t say, “minimal commitment.” Ask volunteers to commit (usually a written commitment works best). How long should you ask your leaders to volunteer for? Well, usually forever is too long. Don’t leave the commitment open ended. Have a time limit in case the volunteer is not a correct fit for kids’ ministry. Most churches go with either a 9-month (school year) or one-year commitment. I’ve seen a lot of elementary and pre-K ministries use a school-year commitment and nursery to age three ministries use a one-year commitment. (The children are not in school yet).

4. Hold a high standard. Include with your commitment form a code of conduct that matches your church’s vision and mission. Be specific and put in writing what you want them to do. For example:

● Arrive 20 minutes early.

● Participate in a volunteer opening prayer rally right when you arrive.

● Be prepared to open the doors promptly at 10:00 a.m.

Let volunteers know in writing that they may be asked to step down if they are found in breach of that commitment. Find out what gifts and talents they bring to the table and incorporate those giftings into that class schedule! Got a puppeteer who signed up to help in the 4k classroom? Get him (and his puppet) telling that story ASAP. Each leader should be fully invested in the ministry. People who find their place to serve stay. Floating people leave. We have a big job. Let’s get them to it! Ask them to be a part of a team. Ask them for their time, talents, and heart. Ask them to partner with you in reaching lost people for Jesus!

How about you? How have you made a “big ask” of your volunteer leaders? How did it go?

Love Always- Trisha

Excerpt from Amazon’s “Your Children’s Ministry From Scratch”

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A 30 Day Plan to DOUBLE Your Volunteers-

“What can I try to get more quality volunteers?” I was asked this important question 2 weeks ago at CPC conference in Orlando. I thought for a moment, and then told her about a plan we carried out at our church- and I would gladly do again! Most kidmin leaders know that “pulpit appeals” have a lot of drawbacks when you are recruiting for kid’s ministry (including drawing in those that should NOT be working with kids), but I still see the importance of a wide recruitment push. However, today I want you to think about some of your most amazing CURRENT volunteers- you know the ones. Think about your kidmin leaders who are really children’s ministers in their own right; “volunteers” with a heart and passion for seeing kids know Jesus. Wouldn’t you like to have more of THEM? I’ve even said, “Wow I wish I could just put you (a key leader) on a copy machine and make a few more of YOU!” Studies show that a lot of people tend to naturally make friends with people that share their core values and interests. Most of the leaders in your kids’ ministry were recruited by someone already in or formerly in your ministry. It’s a fact. Most people do not want to serve with strangers. And when they feel overwhelmed in a classroom, their first impulse usually is turn to a friend and say, “Hey, I need help in here. We could do this together.” Some of my best teachers over the years have been duos—friends who served together, couples, families, and siblings. Your best recruiters are the ones already in your ministry! That is why how you treat your volunteers, stay connected and communicate with them, and publicly show your appreciation is so important. So the FRIENDS of your key leaders may be exactly the leaders you need. Do you like your current leaders? Then ask them to replicate themselves. This increases your recruiters from one (you) to your entire volunteer force. And the truth is that the larger your church grows, you will not be able to get to know as many people- especially if you (ahem) never make it into an adult service. But your key leaders have a wider net of people that they know. SO……

I did a recruitment campaign called Each One Bring One. How it worked was we gave each of our leaders the assignment to recruit one person-just one person- in a 30 day period. We gave each current volunteer a gift card for recruiting a friend (to apply) in the 30 day window, even if that friend did not end up working out as one of our volunteers. The idea is to double your volunteer base in just 30 days. I would say that we did not have 100 percent participation, but a lot of our leaders went for it. We did need to advertise this well, as well as follow up on each leader to remind them over that month. We also had to be prepared to follow up right away with each new leader and get them right into training/onboarding. And what if someone gets their friend to apply, but you realize that this new recruit is not a match for your kid’s ministry? (not a Christian yet, not good with kids at all, felonies etc.) I make sure to say that we are having people APPLY to be working in our kid’s ministry, and that the standards are high and specific. All potential leaders are held to the same standards. If someone will not work out in our area, I always try to get them plugged in serving somewhere in our church- parking lot crew, maintenance, hospitality etc.

How about you? Have you tried something like this at your church? What was your best, most successful strategy for recruiting volunteers? Thank you so much for all you do for Jesus and His kids. Love always, Trisha

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I Can’t Take This Anymore!! When Ministry Makes You Wanna Walk- No Run- AWAY

"I JUST CAN'T DO THIS! Have you ever felt this way? Has that sentence even come out of your mouth?

I'll never forget my first Sunday as a kid's pastor at my second pastorate.  As I walked down the hallway toward the kid's church auditorium, a teacher came charging out the side door with a child wrapped around her left leg. The teacher glared at me and said, I'm so glad you are here so I can finally quit." The child bit a hole in the teacher's pant leg and howled, "I hate you!" I waddled by 9 month pregnant self into kid's church. I had insisted that all leaders come for rehearsals and preservice prayer, and in response, 3 out of 4 had quit. So today it was just me, my husband, and two- no, now make that one, other teacher for the rest of this service. Sigh. I entered the room just as the head teacher finished the lesson (there were only 40 minutes of material for an hour and a half service).  The poor teacher looked at me with a helpless expression and shrugged.  She then asked, "And who likes candy!?" And dumped a bucket of candy on the floor.  Instantly the children were out of their seats rooting, screaming and shoving like animals diving for the candy. This lasted all of 90 seconds.  Then I heard the teacher say, "now what do we do for the NEXT 44 minutes?" I knew God had called us to this church, this ministry, but I'll admit, at THAT moment, I had desperate thoughts like "Oh Lord, what have I done? I can't do this!!"  My husband told me on the way home, "Trish, you know God has called us here." And I cried all the way home.  What I didn't know, was that day was the start of 7 AMAZING years- some of the best years of my LIFE! That kid's church tripled in number, built on neat new areas and increased exponentially in volunteers. Most importantly, many of the kids in that kid's church are still serving Jesus- some are married now, and are ministers themselves (yikes, I feel old).  The people I met there became family to us. And in a way, I was right- I COULDN'T do it.  It took God doing the miraculous to effect change.

But haven't we ALL had those moments? As parents, as leaders, as friends? You know, those Sunday mornings when your THIRD teacher calls in sick or has car problems and on paper there is NO way to make this happen? When your two year old spills juice all over himself, his clothes and the floor while the baby fills her diaper, and before you can finish cleaning up the first mess the dog pukes on your shoes? When your car is in the shop for a new clutch and on the way over your van drops an alternator? It kinda sounds like an Alanis Morisette song......

I heard a story once that Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist, used to teach that it wasn't one huge punch to knock someone out of a fight most of the time.  Usually someone gets knocked out of a fight by getting hit too many times in the SAME place. I believe that to be true- and actually relevant in many areas of our lives. It's not usually ONE tough Sunday morning that brings us to our breaking point; but several "hits" all in the same "area" that take us down.

Complete these sentences for me: If ____________ happens one more time, I'm done.  I can't handle _____________ anymore.  My limit is ________________.  You may not be able to answer these questions right now.  But...it is my experience that these times WILL come- not if but when, and over and over again.  If it hasn't happened yet, you will have that moment that you break and say "I can't do this!" And if you've lived through a few of those BREAKS, there will be more to come.  And what happens when you hit your "breaking point" ? Welcome to the land of breaking. Don't stop or stay here. Here is what you will find in the land of breaking:

1. You find out you can survive.  There is life beyond your "limit'. You find out you're stronger than you thought you were, because of God's grace working in you- His gifting this has been working there all along.

2. You find that where your talent, strength and ingenuity "end" -that is where God's Spirit and Grace really shine. Your pride turns to smoke on the altar and you and others realize God is working and doing great things.

3.  You learn more than ever before. You learn and grow the most- BEYOND your breaking point, not when things are going well.  When you are working out, you have to work out PAST your comfort zone until your muscles break down.  Then those muscles "recover" and come back even stronger.

4. You see you're in good company.  Feel like you "just can't do this!"?? - welcome to the club that includes Gideon, Moses, Jeremiah, Peter and many more.  Ask someone that has been in ministry awhile and the honest ones will tell you they have been past that breaking point and back over and over again. And the majority of ministry leaders have not had any prior experience or training before taking on an area of ministry- you are not alone. You don't have to be perfect- just willing. His Grace is made perfect in our weakness. There are no super people or super ministers, just people...greatly used of God.

"Jesus said 'in this world you WILL have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.'"  Please do not quit- the land of breaking does not last forever, though you'll make a few visits. And the God Who calls you to this work in your life WILL get you through it.  Love and prayers Trisha

P.S. For practical help with launching or relaunching your kid's/family ministry, check out https://a.co/d/59Mbiac Your Children's Ministry From Scratch and Your Children's Ministry Beyond Basics https://a.co/d/2TYmC2f.

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The Practice of Gratitude

“Didn’t I heal 10 people? Where are the other nine? Did none return to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Jesus certainly was throwing shade here for his disciples, the crowds and us to hear. Jesus healed ten people from the horrific disease of leprosy, but only one (considered a hated outsider) came back to thank Jesus and praise God. And before we judge the nine to harshly…. How many times do you and I receive huge blessings, answers to prayer from God and no one ever hears about it? I get tired of only hearing prayer requests in church or praying for a missions trip, but then never hearing what happened next????? Anyone else out there miss the good old fashioned “testimony” times in church services, when people would share answers to prayer and all the great things God was doing for them? These times are important to strengthen our faith and inspire us to keep on praying hard, asking, seeking and knocking. Our pastor has been actively bringing these sharing times back and I love it. Not only do we need to hear these thanks and praises to God, the Bible actually encourages us to tell others when God answers a prayer!

Mark 5:19 And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

Psalm 66:16  Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

Luke 8:39  “Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.” And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.

I know I’m guilty of saying a quick thank you to God in my head silently and then moving on to the next crisis. But today I’m gonna “testify”. Here are just a few things I want to praise God and give Him all the glory for right now:

1. Sending Jesus to save us. God didn’t sit back and let things happen. He intervened. He interrupted the natural course of our lives. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, died a horrible death in our places so that we can life and have eternal life with Him. God has given us hope. He has shown us unbelievable love and mercy. He desires relationship with us every day. That is hope that overcomes ANYTHING!
2. Prayer. I can talk to God anywhere, anytime about anything. He hears, He cares and He answers.
3. My family and friends- my wonderful spouse (almost 25 years!), our kids, their health, well-being and protection. Being close to family now and that so many of my family are believers.
4. Our “kids” are 20 and 18 now and love Jesus, are healthy smart and funny.
5. A warm home, filled with love and snickerdoodles. And a whole lot of laughing.
6. Plenty of food and clean water. Scalding hot bubble baths.
7. Being here, being alive, having my health, beautiful sunshine, laughing. This year I had another health scare (low platelets) but I’m back to normal now.
8. My father in law is still with us. 2.5 years after we were told he only had 6 weeks. Every day is a miracle.
9. We took great trips as a family this year.
10. God moved at each camp and kids program I spoke at.

These are just a very few of the many things I am thanking God for right now. God has been and is so good to me. How about YOU? What wonderful things did God do for you this year? Please comment down below and help lift the faith of us all this Thanksgiving! Thank you for all you do for Jesus and His kids- Trisha

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Time to Update! Your NEW Must-Have Kidmin Book

If you really believed that God was calling you to be a missionary to Poland, how would you prepare for that ministry? You would probably learn everything you could learn about the culture and customs of the Polish people. You would probably NOT shout at Polish people only in Mandarin (Chinese), shrug your shoulders and declare, “Well, I tried. Polish people just don’t want to hear about Jesus. I’m going home.” You have to speak the language!

For those of us called to minister to kids, it is just as crucial for us to learn the culture and customs of this next generation. We must learn to SPEAK the LANGUAGE of kids! Our modern churches are WAY overdue for some updates. Brittney Nelson’s newest book, “Time to Update,” is one of the best, most needed books I have seen in a long while. Brittney pleads with church leaders to stop ignoring the digital discipleship of kids.

Her book concentrates on seven major areas that need to upgraded- safety, church websites, kid’s ministry teaching, equipping parents, communication with volunteers, social media and kidmin administration. Upgrading how we use technology in ministry will make us more effective and productive in planning, volunteer recruitment and training, tracking growth and following up on first time guests.

Please go get a copy of Brittney’s book today- https://www.amazon.com/Time-Update-Integrate-Discipleship-Childrens/dp/B0CFCPTT4N. Let’s give our ministries the upgrades that our kiddos, and very important callings deserve!

Thank you all for what you do for Jesus and His kids- Have you read Brittney’s book? Please comment down below what you thought about it? And make sure to leave a review here-https://www.amazon.com/Time-Update-Integrate-Discipleship-Childrens/dp/B0CFCPTT4N

Love always, Trisha

Tell YOUR Story to the Kids

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Okay, so perhaps Leviticus or Ecclesiastes is a bit weighty for this Sunday’s
preschool class. Still, let’s not underestimate our little one’s capability to
understand the things of God. The key is explaining the wonders God has done in
a way that children can understand. a common misperception I have seen
among Christians is the thinking, “Spiritual things should be kept from children
until they are older and better able to understand them.” This kind of thinking is
exactly opposite from what God has laid out in scripture. Look at Deuteronomy
6:6-7 :“Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite
them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you
are away, when you lie down and when you rise.” There are many such
commands in God’s word to tell your children all about the wonderful things god
has done and said. And the command was not limited to the parents! It was the
parents first responsibility yes, to tell their children about the love and law of God,
But it was the whole congregation’s duty to keep retelling the stories of God’s
goodness to all of the children! The Israelites disobeyed God’s command to
instruct their children, and the result was: “Another generation grew up after
them, who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel. Then
the Israelites did what was evil in the sight of the Lord… they abandoned the
Lord.” Judges 2:10-11a These children grew up never knowing about the God who
delivered their grandparents from slavery or parted the red sea for their parents
to walk through on dry ground. They never learned anything about the Lord, so
when they grew up, they chose to have nothing to do with God.

As we look back on a year so full of healing, growth and miracles- I wonder- do
our children know all of the wonderful things God has done for us???? Do they
know how we first met Jesus??? When God answers a prayer for us, be it
financial, physical, or spiritual, do we let our children know that we know a God
Who cares enough about us to answer with power? I believe that when our
children reach the “age of accountability”, they will each make their decision
concerning Jesus Christ based on their experiences up to that point. We cannot
make that decision for them. But we can shape their early experiences to point
them to Jesus. When john the Baptist sent his disciples to Jesus to ask, “are you
the Christ or do we look for another?” Jesus did not give them all a lesson in
systematic theology, or assign them a great book to read. He simply said, “go
tell john, what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the
lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised and the poor have the
good news preached to them.” Matthew 11:4 When our children ask us,
”Is Jesus the answer, or do we look for another?” (and if they don’t ask out loud,
they will think it some time in their lives), we need to be prepared to tell them
over and over the wonderful things God has done for us- both in the past and this
week. If we honestly cannot think of anything recent to tell – no current answers
to prayer- then we must pray for more, believe God for more. And when God
answers in a big way, remember- your testimony of God’s goodness in front of

the church on the weekend will never be as important as your testimony in your
mini-van on the way to church. Go be that living message to your kids!

In His Service, Pastor Trisha